


What Are Those?

by bitchin_beskar



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Crack Fic, Crack headcanon, Immortal Found Family, JibbitzTM, M/M, Not Serious, Please Do Not Take This Seriously, joe x nicky - Freeform, nicky x crocs, this is just a fun lil drabble
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:15:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25817896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bitchin_beskar/pseuds/bitchin_beskar
Summary: Just as she's starting to settle in, Nile finds out something... strange, about Nicky.
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 20
Kudos: 261





	What Are Those?

**Author's Note:**

> This... this is pure crack. I'm sorry. I blame Tumblr.

“OW! What the–”

Nile stood on one leg, rubbing the bottom of her other foot. She peered at the ground, trying to figure out what she’d stepped on. Her brows furrowed as she noticed a small rubber cross laying on the ground. She picked it up, looking at it closely. 

“Is this a–”

“Oh, you found it!”

Nile turned, her eyes widening as she took in the scene before her. Nicky was standing there, looking absolutely, completely, one-hundred percent normal, except for one thing. On his feet, were a pair of well-worn, bright yellow crocs. 

He was holding his hand out expectantly, and Nile slowly handed over the cross, watching as Nicky bent down to put it in the only empty hole. “Is that–? Are you–?” 

Nicky looked up at her, clearly confused. “Am I what, Nile?” She opened and closed her mouth, trying to get the words to come out.

“Are–Are you– _ Are you wearing crocs _ ?”

Nicky frowned standing up. “What’s wrong with crocs?” The question was so genuinely pure, Nile almost couldn’t believe it. She sputtered, turning to look at Joe as he entered the room. 

“I–I, wha– Joe, explain!” 

The man in question sighed upon seeing Nile’s face. “Which one did you step on?” At Nile’s confused face, he elaborated. “Nicky’s constantly losing Jibbitz TM , which one did you step on?”

“It was a cross…?”

Joe nodded. “Yeah, he loses that one all the time. It’s almost… poetic, I think.” He sat down at the table, and Nile fell into a seat across from him. Nicky moved to the pantry and started pulling out ingredients to make dinner. Every time his crocs squeaked, she winced.

“Joe… Why…?”

She’d never seen Joe looked defeated, but here, sitting across from him, he looked like he’d just been told he had two weeks to live. Or that someone had kicked his puppy. “Nicky’s always loved clogs. We were in Amsterdam, around 1230, I think? Clogs had just started to become popular, and he fell in love. He always insisted on having a pair for in the house, and a pair to travel in.” Joe shook his head. “It drove Andy nuts. Quynh thought it was adorable.” 

Nile nodded distractedly, unable to fully focus with the constant squeaking of the crocs on the kitchen floor. 

“So, when crocs were made, in 2002, Nicky had to have a pair.” Joe sighed again. “Of course, he couldn’t pick just one color.” 

Nile frowned. “What, so he bought a couple?”

Joe groaned, banging his head on the table. “I  _ wish _ ,” he mumbled, before lifting his head. “No, Nicky bought a pair in  _ every. single. color. available.” _ Nile gaped, and Joe just nodded. “Yeah, we have at least two pairs in every safe house, and I think Nicky might have collected every single JibbitzTM ever created.”

“Not true!”

Nicky poked his head around the corner from the pantry. “I own every single one of the Jibbitz TM crocs ever made, but the off-brand ones?” Nicky shook his head. “I’m sure there are ones I haven’t purchased yet. Every time I see a new one, I make sure to buy it, but I know that some have slipped through the cracks.”

Nile looked horrified. “How do you remember all of the ones you  _ do _ own?”

Nicky grinned. “Booker made a spreadsheet!”

* * *

Nile really knew she was a part of the family when that Christmas, under the tree, along with all 

the other presents were a brand new pair of white, fur-lined crocs with her name on the tag.

* * *

Nile was walking through the farmer’s market, browsing the different stalls. They were back in America, after spending a couple of decades traveling across Europe, Andy had decided it was safe for them to hop back across the pond. Nile was excited to be back home, even if it wasn’t her home state. 

As she passed one of the stalls, she noticed they were selling a wide variety of home-made things, including what looked to be Jibbitz TM . Nile tried to walk past the stall, she really, really did. But in the end, she went back, looking through the different options. She found a mini frying pan and a plate of spaghetti, and before she could second guess herself, she was pull ing her phone out to text Booker.

His exile had lasted all of a week before the others had snapped. They’d marched to Booker’s safe house in France, and pulled him out of his drunken stupor. Nile had gotten him hooked up with online therapy, and although Joe was still a little peeved with him, their family was back to normal. Well, relatively. Nothing was really  _ normal _ when you had five immortals living under one roof. 

She sent him pictures of both of them, with a one-word text.  _ Spreadsheet _ ?

She didn’t have to wait long for a response.  _ Nope. _ Well, that settled it. She purchased both of them, cringing a little at the price. (Ten bucks?  _ Seriously _ ? Well, she guessed they were technically a ‘novelty item’ now. Damn she felt old.) She shoved them into her pocket, figuring she could give them to Nicky later that night.

* * *

Nicky was so excited by her purchase that he forgot about the pizza in the oven. It burned, quite badly, and they had to order in. Nile made the mistake of suggesting Olive Garden. 

Nile never made  _ that _ mistake again.

* * *

The first time Nile wore her crocs without Nicky prompting, Joe immediately stood up from the table, throwing his pencil down. “No! I’m done!” He cried, storming out of the room. Nile looked worried until Nicky reassured her.

“Do not worry, Nile. Joe has said he’s ‘done’ at least twice every decade, and he’s still here.”

* * *

When they pulled Quynh from the ocean, over seven-hundred years since she’d first been thrown in, her first act, once she’d woken up, was to attack Andy. Once they got her calmed down, and Andy had tearfully apologized for taking so long, Quynh greeted the others. She hugged Joe, Booker, and even Nile, but when she got to Nicky, she stopped, staring at his feet.

She looked up, stared him straight in the eyes, and asked, “What are those?”

Nicky grinned. “They are my crocs!”

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] What Are Those?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26956054) by [hnghh](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hnghh/pseuds/hnghh)




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